Fayetteville’s real Army Wives stay connected

There are the “Army Wives” on television and then there are the real Army Wives of Fayetteville.

These women are the spouses of soldiers assigned to the USARCENT unit based at Fort McPherson. Since some families don’t live on a military installation, but rather in and around the Atlanta area, ARCENT divides spouses into zip codes where the women can meet monthly for various activities and support.

Tanza Perry-Cooper, who leads the group of Fayetteville wives, explains the importance of the regular gatherings.

“It’s about people getting together who really understand our world. If you live on a military post you live amongst military families where everyone goes through the same thing every day. Since we live in a community among civilians, we have to make a bigger effort to be there for one another. The main goal of all the different groups is to get more spouses involved with USARCENT and have that spouse camaraderie that we are accustomed to while living on a military installation.”

The Fayetteville group has some 30 spouses and each month Tanza says anywhere from six to ten show up for each meeting.

They have met for nearly three years participating in a variety of activities, including bowling, scrapbooking and dining.

This past October, Markgetta Jackson Langford, Irma Smith, Tanza Perry-Cooper, Amy Pietrowski and Jen Price gathered at Markgetta’s home to watch the television series of “Army Wives” and share thoughts on life as a military spouse.

Why is it important for this group to meet on a regular basis?

Markgetta: Since we don’t live on a military installation it’s important to get together because it helps us keep connected. We live in neighborhoods with other non- military families who may not understand what we go through. Sometimes we are separated from our spouses for months at a time and the support we get from each other is important.

Amy: We know what it’s like to have a spouse in the Army, whereas others may not be familiar with deployment and the difficulties that go along with that.

What is the best part about your monthly gatherings?

Tanza: Talking and seeing other spouses who know exactly what I’m going through, whether it’s worry or loneliness, because they’ve either been through it or are going through it at that moment. Our lives are totally different from a civilian’s spouse. Their husband may go away for a weekend, but with our husbands, who knows how long.

Amy: We get to see each other and that’s always a lot of fun because we always do something that’s enjoyable, whether it’s sharing a meal or having a jewelry party.

Markgetta: We enjoy talking and sharing common interests or finding out what’s new with each other.

Aside from monthly meetings, how else do you support each other?

Markgetta: If one of us needs a child picked up from school or an appointment we are there. If someone just wants some company, we will do that, too.

Amy: My husband and I don’t have kids and since he travels a lot, so Tanza is my emergency contact and knows how to get a hold of my husband in case something happens to me. We’ve gotten used to making a family out of who is around us.

Irma: We really look out for each other. If someone needs a doctor or dentist in the community, we can usually help each other with something like that because we understand how insurance works in the military.

What is the most important aspect of the group?

Amy: Without a doubt…support.

Jen: It’s nice to have someone to talk to who always knows how I feel. These women can relate to me and agree that it is tough, whereas others just say ‘hang in there’ or ‘it will be ok.’

Tanza: Sometimes I think we’ve become more of a family because we aren’t in a military setting. Our neighbors may not know and understand deployments and what we endure.

Markgetta: You may not have family nearby so other military families become your extended family.

Irma: The fact that we all share the same life experiences in the military. Husbands deployed, moving every couple of years, living in foreign countries. We all speak the same language; the language of the army spouse.

How do you support your husbands through the group?

Markgetta: I think knowing the group is available gives our husbands peace of mind that we have friends we can depend on. And we have the ability to seek out resources and people should we have the need.

Tanza: With our unique situation, the husbands are deployed a lot. Sometimes we get a one or two day notice of their leaving. They can be gone a week or a month. And because they travel so much, it allows them to go with their minds free and clear, knowing we have a support system.

What challenges do you face as a military spouse?

Markgetta: Having to leave good friends, schools and jobs. This is move number 10 for us and it doesn’t get any easier. Finding jobs can be difficult, too. The first time I went for a job interview the guy told me ‘Military spouses are not dependable; you move around too much. No one will ever hire you.’ I felt bad for a split second; was he ever wrong. Not only have I worked for some great organizations, I have my own business. Sometimes when I tell people I’m a military spouse, they look at me and just say ‘oh.’ I don’t think they know what to say but overall they’re very compassionate and gracious about asking how we are doing or if my husband is safe or do we need anything.

Irma: My husband recently retired from the army and we started to face many challenges such as looking for a place where to finally live the rest of our lives, uncertainty about employment and my husband’s next career path, and what to do with all of those uniforms and army gear.

Tanza: We have a 13 year-old son who is adamant about graduating Fayette County High School and not leaving Atlanta. But unless my husband retires… that isn’t happening. That’s a big challenge. Also, if you have a job possibility and are more than qualified for the position, it’s likely you won’t get it because you are part of the military and employers know a transfer is likely. I think it’s just important to get people to understand our lifestyle, what we go through and what we do. Our kids are born into a unique situation that requires them to adjust faster than most kids. Our kids have lived and experienced places that other kids dream of. I just want non-military people to know that even though we seem to be different we are the same as everyone else. We take pride in every community that we live in and with our vast array of experiences can make positive contributions.