Facebook fans advise on middle school turmoil

Starting middle school can be a rough ride for both kids and parents. First, there’s the novelty of changing classes; along with that comes five or six different teachers, learning how to operate a locker, handling an in-flux schedule, and arriving to classes on time. Students are expected to handle more responsibility and deal with increased pressure. Then there’s the other stuff: middle-school kids are entering puberty and coping with their changing bodies, interests and emotions. And of course, all of those rampant hormones flying around creates social drama, and lots of it.

So we asked our Facebook fans for a little help. For those of you who’ve been there, done that, we asked, what was the most difficult aspect of middle school for your children, and how did you help them to get through it? What’s the most important thing that parents need to know in order to help their children succeed in middle school? Our FB crew gave us some of fantastic suggestions on not only how to help middle schoolers survive, but also to help them thrive.

New School, New Rules

For the kids just entering middle school, practicing the new routine is key. “Walk their schedule with them before the first day of 6th grade – in order, pointing out the rest bathrooms, nurse, counselors, etc. Also, after the first day ask if he was able to open his locker, and if not, after school take him up there and teach him how,” says Beth N. “Kids this age are too embarrassed to ask for help and their uncertainties will be relieved in at least knowing the basics about their surroundings.”

“Middle schoolers get strange new habits parents haven’t seen before,” comments Michelle H. “They lie, especially about having homework (usually they will have homework, at least in math), and they might even get their first B or worse yet, their first C. It is not because they are a bad student or that they have a bad teacher; it is because the content in middle school subjects is much different than elementary school, and often times much harder. A lower grade is not the end of the world, but they do need encouragement to work harder, especially before they get into high school, where grades really count.”

Suzanne P. agrees that the most difficult aspect of middle school for her three boys was homework. “They were all the type to do well on quizzes and tests without having studied or done homework, but not doing the homework meant poor grades in the class.” Suzanne decided to let her sons deal with the consequences of their choices, even if that meant failing and repeating a grade. In addition to teaching her children to take responsibility, stepping back meant less parent-child conflicts. “Our household became more peaceful,” she says. “It was the best thing we could’ve done.”

Finally, “Be your child’s advocate!” remarks Susan S. “The squeaky wheel does get the grease, best teachers, best schedule, more gifted classes.”

Social Scene Survival

When it comes to the social life of middle schoolers, the consensus is that it’s rough stuff. “Our daughter had many more social issues than academic issues, and frankly, we never figured out how best to help with that,” Suzanne says. “It was the hardest part of her middle school years, but we survived.”

“I somehow managed to get three girls through middle school,” says Tami J. “It was tough. Kids are cruel, especially middle school girls. Having my kids in recreational soccer, basketball, or softball seemed to help them with their self-esteem, and they made some good friends, which are desperately needed during these difficult years.”

“Keep them busy with school activities, the more the better,” agrees Douglas B.

Body Changes (….in a word)

“Deodorant, deodorant, deodorant,” says Beth. “Boys and girls. Every day and after gym. The teachers will thank you, but more importantly kids can be cruel to the kid who stinks.”

On the Home Front

Michelle points out that taking a step back from your involvement in your child’s academics doesn’t necessarily carry over to home life. “Check what your child is doing on their phone and on the internet,” she comments. “Good kids make bad mistakes too! Peer pressure is awful at this age and is often now stronger than parental influence!”

For Terri J., listening to your child is essential. “It’s important for the child to know that you are paying attention and not just standing there. Things get pretty hectic for them in middle school and it’s the parents’ job to guide their children, so this means pay attention.”

Susan also suggests that parents should create independent children. “Do not hover!” she remarks. “Rescue them one time each semester with forgotten homework, or lunch, or band instrument…after that, let them suffer the consequences of not remembering or being organized.”

Douglas explains that “As a parent, I think we knew the challenges they were about to face, but we kept our expectations high and didn’t give into the idea of just getting them through middle school. Focus on academics; they will need it in high school. Don’t fall into the trap of taking it easy on them.”

“Middle School is a long road,” adds Douglas. “Hang in there with them.”

Thanks to our Facebook fans for such wonderful advice! If you’d like to take part in our FB polls, look us up on Facebook under “Fayette Woman” and hit the “like” button.